thanks for letting me forget the memory
by LittleMissMosh
Summary: set at the time of thanks for the memory.what if lisa yates was only an excuse for what listers real present was?
1. Default Chapter

-------this is my first Red Dwarf fic so please be gentle .Set at the time of "thanks for the Memory" just some mild slash in places and some angst. All charcters belong entirely to Rob Grant & Doug Naylor and those nice people at the BBC.----------  
  
Poor Rimmer. Lister wished he just hadn't bothered with the death-day party .If he had know that a drunk Rimmer was more than a hologramatic hangover and maybe a bit of sickness; it was male bonding In a way that no man should ever bond. No not sex (Lister wished, how he wanted to feel Arnie's touch) well yeah in a way sex but not the way Lister would have liked. He wanted to know Rimmer was like him. Underneath the façade of weedy technician there was a rampant Tiger. Lister wanted Arnie to pounce on him. Tonight Arnie had had a great time. Rimmer had really let himself go and Listy just loved to see him smile, and when he danced he was so loose. He knew that the party had done Rimmer some good, but judging from the results maybe he'd taken it too far.  
  
"Once! One time only!" it had come out of the blue. One minute he was talking about how much time he spent sucking up to Tod Hunter and the next… Rimmer had started his rant of self-loathing, and was now telling Lister some details that would embarrass most men. Sober men that is. Lister had tried to stop him but Rimmer was adamant that this was something that Lister just had to know.  
"Don't tell me this rimmer you'll want to kill yourself in the morning."  
Lister could understand Rimmer's ineptitude and didn't think less of him for only having sex once. In fact he had been hoping he was saving himself for someone special. Someone like him. Lister sighed his deep brown eyes were wistful. Lister did not want to sit and think about whatever fantastic experience Rimmer had had. He wanted to be able to sleep tonight not be filled with sexual frustration and jealousy at whatever lucky sod haunted Rimmer's thoughts.  
"Yvonne McGruder a single brief liaison with the ships female boxing champion. March the 16th 7:31pm - 7:43pm. 12 minutes and that included the time it took to eat the pizza." Lister regained just a thread of hope. I mean Yvonne was hardly the most feminine woman. She had wider shoulders than Lister did. Still all through Rimmer's speech and even after he had drifted into a drunken slumber, Lister's heavy lids remained open. Every time he tried to shut them his eyes were assaulted with scenes of wild passion. In the middle of one particularly Graphic scene where Lister, torso gleaming with beads of perspiration, gasping as Rimmer standing behind him tall and muscular, kissed his neck passionately and thrust him over the table with the thought of Rimmer pushing into him, his arms flailing and smacking that damm toaster out of the way, Lister decided that he just couldn't take it any more. Dave slipped silently off the top bunk and looked lustfully at Arnold. He had said he would give it all up to have loved and to have been loved .If only he knew. Lister promised He'd give him a present He'd never forget.  
Lister moved smoothly through the halls and reached the hologram simulation suite. Looking around the room he saw various images of Rimmer, some close up some from odd angles some replays of events that had happened that day. Dave sat at a monitor and placed an odd looking helmet on his head. He downloaded his memories, his ideas, and his fantasies. The Screen behind Lister saw a content Rimmer, smiling as his mind filled with blissful thoughts.  



	2. forget about it

-----As before as to who owns what you know it ain't me and that's all that matters. Thanks to Rents for inspiring me with all these lusty thoughts, knew they were in there just took some encouragement .Now you wont be able to stop me (yeah that is a promise *wink*wink)-------  
  
The next day Rimmer awoke and smiled. He turned to the other side of the bed expecting to see Lister. Much to his delight and relief Lister was lying curled up fast asleep right where Arnie had left him. He reached out a hand to stroke the soft skin of at the side of Lister's face. But as he reached for him his hand passed right through. Arnolds sweet face a minute before so content was now filled with confusion and panic plus a hint of fear.  
Lister was dreaming. He remembered the first time he had seen A.J Rimmer .the first day he'd came aboard he'd been assigned to these Quarters. He'd walked in to Rimmer doing his exercises in those crisp white boxers. His taunt muscles and the look of determination on his face had made Lister shiver. The idea of what was barely concealed beneath those boxers had made Lister lick his lips in anticipation. He knew Rimmer felt the same way. Had seen his eyes flutter over him at every opportunity. But back on Red Dwarf they would have bee ridiculed. Listers friends would have disowned him for being a "poof". It seemed so stupid now but at the time he had been living in fear of being caught out.   
Lister awakened and yawed. Smiling up into Rimmer's face. But Listers cheeks were stained with tears. "Why can't I touch you?" his eyes pleaded with Lister to make it all better. "Last night… I could feel you inside me.we were so close.I knew it was too good to be true, please what's going on?" Lister eyes filled with sincerity " I wanted to let you know how much I loved you but I didn't know how, so I downloaded all my thoughts into the holo simulation suite and transferred it all into your memory .I wanted to give you something special."  
Rimmer was furious. His Hazel eyes clouded over brimming with tears "you mean all these feelings aren't real? I don't love you?"  
Lister looked sadly at Rimmer. I don't know how you feel. The feelings at the time when your memories happened aren't yours. But I don't know how you'd react if I was to tell you that I wanted you since I first saw you." At this Rimmer's eyes softened "look into my eyes and tell me that right now you aren't thinking of bending me over that table and taking me like you remember. Don't tell me you don't want to make it real."  
At that Arnold sobbed. Dave wanted so badly to hold him, but when he reached for him his arms went right through. Now Lister understood. They couldn't be together, couldn't share the lust they felt, the need throbbing inside them Lister couldn't fell Rimmer's soft lips on his, nor even the warmth of his arms holding him as he fell asleep. They would always be so close but so distant.  
  
It had bee easy for holly to doctor the black box. Lister decided that Lisa Yates would be a suitable alibi. Better to have a plausible excuse for where the time had gone. Lister had wiped everyone's memories. Except his own. It was painful to know that Rimmer had confessed his love and would never remember it, but it was too hard them both loving each other and not being able to be together. He desperately wanted to forget as well, but couldn't take the chance that he wouldn't tell Rimmer he loved him, and have to go through all this pain again. He could pretend he felt nothing, hide his feelings Lister had been hiding all his life.  



End file.
